


Her Royal Pain

by Chie (Chierafied)



Series: Fandom Events JL [14]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Disney Fusion, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, First Meetings, Humor, Inspired by Enchanted (2007), One Shot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16866262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chierafied/pseuds/Chie
Summary: Had Lily been thinking clearly, she probably would’ve told the taxi driver to floor it instead of hopping out to confront whatever lunatic that had just attacked the car with a bloodysword, but after nearly being skewered Lily was led by temper, not logic.





	Her Royal Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Jilychallenge April 2018
> 
> **Theme:** Disney AU  
>  **Prompt:** divorce lawyer james finds lily in the middle of new york scaling a billboard and helps her out but “you made a dress out of my curtAINS?? why does everyone know the words to these songs when i’ve never heard them before?? and i know step parents can be a nightmare but calling her an evil witch isn’t exactly the best way to get on her good side” enchanted au
> 
> **Note:** I had to flip them around because lbr Lily makes a much better cynical divorce lawyer and James is the huge dork in this relationship. Also they’re in London instead of NY because HP.

Lily was in a crappy mood.

She’d spent the past couple of hours watching civilised adult people reverting into squabbling toddlers having a screaming match.

The next step would’ve been shrieking monkeys going at each other’s throats, but luckily they’d run out of time before that had happened.

Lily knew this because as a divorce lawyer, she saw dissolved relationships, outrageous arguments and people at their worst on a nearly daily basis.

That said, it had been a long week. And on this Friday night, all she wanted was to get home as fast as possible and not deal with any more people than necessary – which was why she’d splurged on a taxi instead of taking the tube.

She couldn’t wait to shed the smart business suit, crawl into bed and crack open her book so she could escape the cruel reality for a few hours before she went to sleep.

It didn’t greatly improve her mood, that her drive home was interrupted.

All of a sudden, there was a great big thump on the roof of the taxi that made Lily jump.

She was lucky she had been startled because that had helped her move out of the range of the sharp gleaming sword that punched through the car’s ceiling and almost skewered Lily.

Stunned, she stared at the cold sharp metal right in front of her face.

When the sword disappeared, Lily’s ears were filled with a dull roar and she unbuckled herself and reached for the door.

Had she been thinking clearly, she probably would’ve told the taxi driver to floor it instead of hopping out to confront whatever lunatic that had just attacked the car with a bloody  _sword_ , but in this moment Lily was led by temper, not logic.

She barrelled out of the car, whirled around – and stopped.

Standing on the roof of the taxi, his booted feet firmly planted, was a man wearing a ridiculous and cliché prince costume. He flashed her a confident grin and sheathed his sword.

“Fear not, fair lady,” he announced, jumping down onto the street. “I have slain the foul beast, you are now free.”

Lily stared at him.

Was this guy for real? Or was this some kind of a prank maybe? What over-the-top play had he escaped from? Or maybe he had escaped from a mental hospital. That would explain a lot, actually, but then again the wardrobe definitely suggested the play angle…

The squeal of tires jolted Lily out of her thoughts and she realised her taxi had just taken off. Without her.

Great. So now she was abandoned in the middle of the street with this loony, who was still grinning at her.

Her lips peeled back and the words came out strained, very close to a growl. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Well, you see, I was to marry my one true love this morning, only she never arrived at the ceremony. I went to search for her and learned she had fallen down the wishing well. I followed her, so I could come to her rescue, but I haven’t been able to find her.”

Lily scowled, and waited for the cameras to roll out any moment with a crew shouting “gotcha” at her – but none came.  

“Aren’t you a knight in a shining armour,” she muttered under her breath.

The nut job frowned. “I left my armour at home,” he pointed out, eyeing her as if  _she_  was the weird one. “And I am no mere knight. Prince James, at your service.”

The fluid bow was over the top and ridiculous.

And not at all charming or romantic.

Not the least bit.

“Good to meet you, your highness,” Lily said.

The guy obviously couldn’t discern the sarcasm in her tone, for he beamed at her as he straightened up.

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose.

She couldn’t deal with this, the headache was already budding behind her eyes.

“Good luck finding your girl,” she told the daft dolt and strode off, contemplating whether to try to get another taxi or just get the damn tube…

She didn’t get very far.

Horns blared and tires squealed and Lily whipped around, seeing the “prince” standing on the bonnet of a car brandishing his sword again.

Any moment now, someone was gonna ring the police so they could get this crazy man off the streets.

She should probably be ringing them right now, Lily reflected.

Certainly, this whole mess was none of her business and yet –

Yet she found herself walking back with brisk, angry steps.

She propped her hands on her hips and levelled a glare at the “prince”.

“Put the bloody sword away and leave the cars alone,” she commanded him, with more confidence than she felt.

He gave her that puzzled frown again, and god with those guileless hazel eyes didn’t he just look like a big puppy dog.

“But the beast –“

“It’s a vehicle,” Lily cut in. “A kind of a carriage.”

“Truly?” Prince James sheathed his sword and hopped off the bonnet. “How odd.”

“Look, do you need help getting home?” Lily asked, already regretting that she was getting involved.

“I shall not go home until I can return with my bride,” James declared.

Ah. Of course.

“It’s getting late, though. You should rest for the night and continue searching for your girl tomorrow.”

“That is a great suggestion, kind peasant.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed. Did he just…?

“Do not call me that,” she hissed through clenched teeth.

The prince looked puzzled again, but shrugged.

“May I then have the honour of your name?”

It wasn’t just the hazel puppy-eyes, Lily decided. He also had a great voice, and that old-fashioned, superfluous way of speaking held a certain charm.

Which was why – and the only reason why – she answered him.

“Lily Evans.”  

He smiled so brightly his whole face lit up.

“Lily! How befitting it is that such a fair lady would have such a fair name.”

“Okay prince Charming –”

“James,” he interjected.

“Whatever. Look, is there someone I can contact for you? Somewhere I can take you? Where are you staying?”

“I only arrived in this strange land today, I have no lodgings here. But if you could take me to my bride, I would be forever in your debt.”

Ugh. Why did he have to look so bloody hopeful?

Lily didn’t particularly want to get any deeper into this mess. She especially didn’t want to share her flat with a complete stranger who was a lunatic to boot.

But it seemed like she would need to, because she couldn’t walk away either.

That had become painfully clear.

“I don’t know where your girl is, so I can’t take you to her. But I can help you look for her, if you want.”

“Your aid would be most welcome. I find your land difficult to navigate.”

“I can see that,” Lily muttered. “All right then, your highness, you’re coming with me.”

“For a peasant you are very bossy,” the prince commented.

Lily promptly ignored him.

She felt ridiculous, standing beside him on the side of the road. He definitely would need to get a wardrobe change.

But Lily felt slightly better once they managed to get a taxi and were on their way to her flat. With the prince in tow, she really hadn’t wanted to risk the tube.

“This carriage is excellent,” the prince announced.

Lily glanced at him – and her gaze lingered, studying the man as he stared avidly out of the window, drinking everything in.

“So… tell me about this missing fiancée of yours.”

If she was going to help him, the more she knew, the better.

Prince James turned to her, and his eyes all but sparkled.

“She is the fairest maiden I have ever seen. Her eyes are blue like the summer sky and she has the most beautiful voice. That’s how I found her – I heard her sing while I was out hunting trolls and then there she was, fair as can be.”

Trolls? Really? This guy had serious issues.

Or delusions.

Probably both.

“That’s… nice,” Lily replied. “A bit Sleeping Beauty, maybe.”

“Pardon?”

“Never mind. How long have you two been together?”

Prince James smiled. “We met yesterday.”

Lily’s jaw slackened and she stared at him, looking for any signs that he was pulling the mickey – and finding none.

“A day? You’ve known her for a  _day_?” Good grief they were back in the crazyville. “And you were going to marry her today?”

“She is my one true love,” Prince James said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “She was made to finish my duet.”

“Okay,” Lily said, thinking of all the bickering couples she’d learned to know through her work.

Life wasn’t a fairytale and love didn’t last forever.

But Prince James had obviously missed the memo.

By the time Lily had paid the taxi driver and trudged up the steps to her flat, she was having second thoughts again.

But there was no backing out now, she thought glumly, as she fished her keys from her handbag.

“It’s not a castle,” she told the prince as she swung the front door open, “but it’s better than sleeping out on the street.”

Prince James strode in, then slowly turned around, taking in the flat.

“Even a humble abode has its charms,” he declared.

“Right.” Lily rubbed her forehead.

She’d go change her clothes, grab a painkiller, and then grab spare bedding for this royal pain in the arse.

She’d just need to make sure he stayed occupied while she was in the other room.

“Here, have a seat,” Lily told him, all but dragging him over to the sofa.

He obligingly sat down, his posture perfect as he perched on the edge of the seat.

Good enough.

Lily turned on the TV and then handed him the remote.

“Here you go, entertain yourself while I go get your bedding.”

He took the remote, stared at it, and then up at the TV in wonder.

“Your magic mirror is marvellous.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back.

She left him there, flipping through the channels with all the enthusiasm of a kid with a new toy.

God, she must’ve gone crazy too, having brought him home with her.

After changing her clothes and taking a double dose of painkillers, Lily felt marginally better.

She slipped back into the sitting room – and found Prince James asleep on the sofa.

Shaking her head, Lily walked over to him and pried the remote from his fingers. She turned off the TV and then just looked at her houseguest.

He seemed different in his peaceful slumber, his dark hair tousled, his arm cradling the throw pillow under his cheek. Without that confident grin, his face appeared younger – almost vulnerable somehow.

And at that moment, standing with her arms crossed beside the sofa and looking down at the sleeping prince, Lily realised why she hadn’t been able to leave him alone.

Beneath the flounce and the pomp and the sword-waving, there was something inherently naïve about James.

The kind Lily hadn’t seen in anyone in a long, long while.

By the time people came to her door, they were cynical, embittered by life, cheated out of their happily ever after.

Lily bent close and grabbed the quilt slung over the armrest. She draped it over James, tucking him in.

Someone else might have rolled their eyes at James' innocence, but Lily wanted to protect it.

She wasn’t sure if she could actually help James find his girl, but she sure as hell was gonna try.

She was sick and tired of dealing with brokenhearted people and didn’t want James to join their ranks.


End file.
